视频地址：

https://www.ted.com/talks/guy_winch_the_case_for_emotional_hygiene

感悟：

       我们都有这种体验，当你被人拒绝，被人中伤，被人恶语相向的时候，第一时间也许就是反思自己哪里不够好，哪里得罪了别人，演讲者提出了当你被拒绝了， 首要的事情是应该 重新激活你的自尊心，而不是去拳击俱乐部打拳来发泄，同时要注意不要反复咀嚼回味一件事情，不要在不愉快和负面事情上花那么多时间，学会你保护自己的自尊心， 当你与负面的想法做斗争， 你不仅可以治愈心理上的创伤， 你会建立起情绪恢复能力， 你会变得更强。

      所以，当你有小情绪的时候，告诉自己，你本来就很好，然后着手想办法，改变能改变的，接受不能改变的，不要逃避问题，关键是要相信自己你很棒！你可以处理好任何事情！

1.We sustain psychological injuries even more often than we do physical ones, injuries like failure or rejection or loneliness. And they can also get worse if we ignore them, and they can impact our lives in dramatic ways. And yet, even though there are scientifically proven techniques we could use to treat these kinds of psychological injuries, we don't. It doesn't even occur to us that we should. "Oh, you're feeling depressed? Just shake it off; it's all in your head." Can you imagine saying that to somebody with a broken leg: "Oh, just walk it off; it's all in your leg."

我们承受心理上的伤害 比身体上的多得多， 例如失败，被拒绝，孤独。 如果我们忽视它们， 情况也会恶化， 它们同样会给我们的生活 带来重大的影响。 然而，虽然有科学证实的疗法 来帮助我们治疗 这些心理上的伤害， 我们却不采取行动。 我们甚至都没意识到 我们应该采取行动。 “哦，你感到抑郁么？ 别去想了，都在你脑袋里。” 你能想象对一个 骨折了的人说这样的话吗？ “哦，走走就好了，都在你腿上。” （笑声） 我们应该消除这种对身体和 精神健康的区别对待。 应该把两者对等起来， 像双胞胎一样。

2.Loneliness creates a deep psychological wound, one that distorts our perceptions and scrambles our thinking. It makes us believe that those around us care much less than they actually do. It make us really afraid to reach out, because why set yourself up for rejection and heartache when your heart is already aching more than you can stand? I was in the grips of real loneliness back then, but I was surrounded by people all day, so it never occurred to me. But loneliness is defined purely subjectively. It depends solely on whether you feel emotionally or socially disconnected from those around you. And I did. There is a lot of research on loneliness, and all of it is horrifying. Loneliness won't just make you miserable; it will kill you. I'm not kidding. Chronic loneliness increases your likelihood of an early death by 14 percent.Fourteen percent! Loneliness causes high blood pressure, high cholesterol. It even suppress the functioning of your immune system, making you vulnerable to all kinds of illnesses and diseases. In fact, scientists have concluded that taken together, chronic loneliness poses as significant a risk for your long-term health and longevity as cigarette smoking. Now, cigarette packs come with warnings saying, "This could kill you." But loneliness doesn't. And that's why it's so important that we prioritize our psychological health, that we practice emotional hygiene. Because you can't treat a psychological woundif you don't even know you're injured. Loneliness isn't the only psychological wound that distorts our perceptions and misleads us.

孤独导致深重的心理创伤， 扭曲我们的感知能力， 剥夺我们的思考能力。 它使我们相信 身边的人不再在乎我们。 它使我们不敢与人联络， 为什么给自取其辱被拒绝呢？ 你的心痛的还不够多么？ 我那个时候被孤独紧紧包裹着， 但我总和别人在一起， 我自己都没意识到。 但孤独是完全从主观上定义的。 它完全取决于你是否觉得 在情绪上或是交际上 和你周围的人相隔绝。 我当时是这样的。 我们有很多关于孤独的研究， 都很可怕。 孤独不仅让你觉得凄惨， 它还可能致死。 我可不是开玩笑。 长期的孤独 会增加你早逝的可能性 高达14%之多。 孤独可能导致 高血压，高胆固醇。 它甚至会影响你的免疫系统， 使你容易患上各种疾病。 事实上，科学家已经得出结论， 长期的孤独对你的健康和长寿 的负面影响比抽烟还要糟。 香烟的包装上还有 “吸烟致命”的警句。 可孤独没有。 这就是我们为什么 要重视心理健康， 要注意保持情绪健康。 因为，你无法治愈心理上的创伤， 如果你都不知道 自己受到了伤害的话。 孤独不是唯一 可能扭曲及误导 我们的心理创伤。

3.The only thing that prevented them from succeeding was that their mind tricked them into believing they could not. Now, adults get tricked this way as well, all the time. In fact, we all have a default set of feelings and beliefs that gets triggered whenever we encounter frustrations and setbacks.

Are you aware of how your mind reacts to failure? You need to be. Because if your mind tries to convince you you're incapable of something, and you believe it, then like those two toddlers, you'll begin to feel helpless and you'll stop trying too soon, or you won't even try at all. And then you'll be even more convinced you can't succeed. You see, that's why so many people function below their actual potential.Because somewhere along the way, sometimes a single failure convinced them that they couldn't succeed, and they believed it.

 唯一阻止他们成功的因素 就是他们被自己 做不成的想法给骗了。 成年人也经常中这样的圈套。 事实上，我们都有 一个固定的思维感知模式， 每当我们感到沮丧，受到挫折， 我们便会进入这个模式。

你清不清楚你是怎么对应失败的？ 你应该清楚。 因为如果你的头脑告诉你 你不能做成什么事 而你相信了的话， 你就会像那前两个小孩似的， 开始感到无助 然后你很快就放弃了， 甚至都不去试一下。 然后你就更加确信你成功不了。 你看，这就是为什么那么多人 都无法充分发挥他们的潜能。 因为不一定在什么地方， 有那么一次失败 让他们认定了自己不能成功。

4.Our mind is hard to change once we become convinced. So it might be very natural to feel demoralizedand defeated after you fail. But you cannot allow yourself to become convinced you can't succeed. You have to fight feelings of helplessness. You have to gain control over the situation. And you have to break this kind of negative cycle before it begins.Our minds and our feelings — they're not the trustworthy friends we thought they were. They're more like a really moody friend, who can be totally supportive one minute, and really unpleasant the next

And that's something we all do, especially after a rejection. We all start thinking of all our faults and all our shortcomings, what we wish we were, what we wish we weren't. We call ourselves names. Maybe not as harshly, but we all do it.And it's interesting that we do, because our self-esteem is already hurting. Why would we want to go and damage it even further? We wouldn't make a physical injury worse on purpose. You wouldn't get a cut on your arm and decide, "Oh! I know — I'm going to take a knife and see how much deeper I can make it."一旦我们认定了的事情， 我们很难改变看法。 所以当你失败了， 感觉士气低落是很自然的。 但是你不能允许自己 相信你不可能成功。 你要和那种无助的感觉斗争。 你要重新控制局面。 而且你必须在 这种负能量循环开始前打破它。 我们的想法和感觉， 它们不是像我们想象的 那么忠诚的朋友。 它们更像是一个非常情绪化的朋友， 有时非常支持你， 而有时令人不愉快。

 我们都干过这事儿， 尤其是被拒绝之后。 我们开始去想 我们犯的错，我们的缺点， 我们要是这样就好了， 我们要是不那样就好了， 我们给自己起外号。 也许程度不同， 但我们都干过这事。 我们为什么会这样做。 我们的自尊已经被伤害了。 为什么我们要进一步伤害它呢？ 要是身体受伤了， 我们不会故意去把它弄的更糟。 你要是胳膊上有个伤口， 你不会说，“啊，我知道！ 我要拿刀看我到底能捅多深。“

5.But we do that with psychological injuries all the time. Why? Because of poor emotional hygiene.Because we don't prioritize our psychological health. We know from dozens of studies that when your self-esteem is lower, you are more vulnerable to stress and to anxiety; that failures and rejections hurt more, and it takes longer to recover from them. So when you get rejected, the first thing you should be doing is to revive your self-esteem, not join Fight Club and beat it into a pulp. When you're in emotional pain, treat yourself with the same compassion you would expect from a truly good friend.

We have to catch our unhealthy psychological habits and change them. And one of unhealthiest and most common is called rumination. To ruminate means to chew over. It's when your boss yells at you or your professor makes you feel stupid in class, or you have big fight with a friend and you just can't stop replaying the scene in your head for days, sometimes for weeks on end. Now, ruminating about upsetting events in this way can easily become a habit, and it's a very costly one, because by spending so much time focused on upsetting and negative thoughts, you are actually putting yourself at significant risk for developing clinical depression, alcoholism, eating disorders, and even cardiovascular disease.

但是我们经常如此对待心理伤害。 为什么？由于糟糕的心理保健意识。 因为我们不重视心理健康。 很多研究表明， 如果你的自尊心低落， 你就更容易感到压力和焦虑， 失败和拒绝会伤害你更深， 你也需要更多的时间复原。 所以如果你被拒绝了， 首要的事情是应该 重新激活你的自尊心，而不是 去拳击俱乐部打拳来发泄。 当你在经历感情上痛苦， 像一个真正的好朋友那样同情你自己。 我们需要改变 不健康的心理习惯。 最常见又最不健康的习惯之一 就是穷思竭虑。 就是事后反复咀嚼回味一件事。 比如你的老板冲你发脾气了， 或是教授在课上让你感到愚蠢， 或是你和好朋友吵架了， 然后你不断的在脑海里 回放当时的情况，好几天， 甚至好几个礼拜都不停。 反复回味不愉快的事 很容易变成习惯， 而这个习惯代价很大。 因为当你在不愉快和 负面的事情上花这么多时间， 你把自己放在一个非常危险的境地， 可能诱发抑郁症，酗酒，饮食失调， 甚至心血管疾病。

6.By taking action when you're lonely, by changing your responses to failure, by protecting your self-esteem, by battling negative thinking, you won't just heal your psychological wounds, you will build emotional resilience, you will thrive. A hundred years ago, people began practicing personal hygiene, and life expectancy rates rose by over 50 percent in just a matter of decades. I believe our quality of life could rise just as dramatically if we all began practicing emotional hygiene.

当你在孤独的时候采取行动， 当你改变对待失败的反应， 当你保护自己的自尊心， 当你与负面的想法做斗争， 你不仅可以治愈心理上的创伤， 你会建立起情绪恢复能力， 你会变得更强。 一百年以前， 人们开始注重个人卫生， 人的寿命延长了50%还多 这仅用了十年就实现了。 我相信，我们的生活质量 也会有同样程度的提高 如果我们开始 关注情绪上的保健。