[Scene: Madison Square Garden, the guys are trying to find their seats.] 

Ross: Sorry, sorry... Uh-oh. 

Chandler: What? There was ice there that night with Carol? Plastic seats? Four thousand angry Pittsburgh fans? 

Ross: No, actually I was just saying it looks like we're not sitting together. But now you mention it, there was ice there that night... It was the first frost... 

Joey: C'mon, sit. Just sit down, sit. 

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, they're all hanging out in the living room.]

Monica: You should feel great about yourself! You're doing this amazing independence thing! 

Rachel: Monica, what is so amazing? I gave up, like, everything. And for what? 

Phoebe: You are just like Jack. 

Rachel: ...Jack from downstairs? 

Phoebe: No, Jack and the Beanstalk. 

Monica: Ah, the other Jack. 

Phoebe: Yeah, right! See, he gave up something, but then he got those magic beans. And then he woke up, and there was this, this big plant outside his window, full of possibilities and stuff.. And he lived in a village, and you live in the Village.. 

Rachel: Okay, but Pheebs, Pheebs, Jack gave up a cow, I gave up an orthodontist. Okay, I-I-I know, I know I didn't love him- 

Phoebe: Oh, see, Jack did love the cow. 

Rachel: But see, it was a plan. Y'know, it was clear. Everything was figured out, and now everything's just kinda like... 

Phoebe: Floopy? 

Rachel: Yeah. 

Monica: So what, you're not the only one. I mean, half the time we don't know where we're going. I mean, you’ve just gotta figure at some point it's all gonna come together, and it's just gonna be... un-floopy. 

Phoebe: Oh, like that's a word. 

Rachel: Okay, but Monica, what if- what if it doesn't come together? 

Monica: ...Pheebs? 

Phoebe: Oh, well... 'cause.... you just... I don't like this question. 

Rachel: Okay, see, see, you guys, what if we don't get magic beans? I mean, what if all we've got are.. beans? 

[Scene: Madison Square Garden, the guys are watching the game.]

Ross: Get him! GET HIM! Get him! Get- YESSS! Not laughing now, are ya pal! 

Chandler: See buddy, that's all you need, a bunch of toothless guys hitting each other with sticks. 

Ross: Pass it! Pass it! 

Chandler: He's open! 

All: Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! 

(The player shoots and the puck flies off the rink and hits Ross in the face.  Chandler looks concered until he notices...) 

Chandler: Hey, look, we're on that TV thing! 

(Chandler and Joey hold the puck and wave at the TV thing.) 

Commercial Break

[Scene: An Emergency Room, Chandler and Joey are leading Ross in.]

Chandler: Excuse me. 

Receptionist: It says to call this number if you're not completely satisfied with this candy bar. Well, I'm not completely satisfied. Well, the label promises nutty goodness. 

Chandler: Listen, it's kind of an emergency. Well, I guess you know that, or we'd be in the predicament room.

Receptionist:  Hold on. (To Chandler) Fill these out, sit over there. 

Ross: Look, I don't wanna make any trouble, okay, but I'm in a lot of pain here, alright? My face is dented. 

Receptionist: Well, you'll have to wait your turn. 

Joey: Well, how long do you think it'll be? 

Receptionist:  Any minute now. 

Ross: Hey, this- Heyy... 

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the slumber party continues.]

Rachel: I'm so sorry, you guys. I didn't mean to bring you down. 

Monica: No, you were right. I don't have a plan. 

Pizza Guy: Pizza guy! 

Rachel: Thank God. Food. 

Monica: Phoebe? 

Phoebe: What? 

Monica: Do you have a plan? 

Phoebe: I don't even have a 'pla'. 

Pizza Guy: Hi, one, uh, mushroom, green pepper and onion? 

Rachel:  No, no, that's not what we ordered... We ordered a fat-free crust with extra cheese. 

Pizza Guy: Wait, you're not 'G.Stephanopoulos?' Man, my dad's gonna kill me! 

Monica: (leaping off of the couch and runs up) Wait! Did you say 'G.Stephanopoulos?' 

Pizza Guy: Yeah. This one goes across the street, I must have given him yours. Oh, bonehead, bonehead! 

Phoebe: Oh, hey, when you do that, you’re only hitting yourself. 

Monica: Wait, was this a-a small mediterranean guy with curiously intelligent good looks? 

Pizza Guy: Yeah, that sounds about right. 

Monica: Was he wearing a stunning blue suit? 

Phoebe: And-and a power tie? 

Pizza Guy: No, pretty much just a towel. 

Monica: Oh God. 

Pizza Guy: So you guys want me to take this back? 

Monica: Are you nuts?! We've got George Stephanopoulos' pizza! 

Rachel: Uh, Pheebs? Who's George Snuffalopagus? 

Phoebe: That’s Big Bird's friend. 

Monica: I see pizza! 

Phoebe: Oh, I wanna see! Let me see! Let me see! 

Rachel: Hello? Who are we spying on? 

Monica: Y’know the White House adviser? Clinton's campaign guy? The one with the great hair, sexy smile, really cute butt? 

Rachel: Oh, him, the little guy? Oh, I love him! 

Phoebe: Ooh, wait.. wait, I see a woman. 

Monica: Please tell me it's his mother. 

Phoebe: Definitely not his mother. 

Monica: Oh, no... 

Phoebe: Oh, wait, she's walking across the floor.. she's walking.. she's walking.. she's going for the pizza-  Hey, that's not for you, bitch! 

[Scene: The Emergency Room, Joey is miming hockey pucks kitting foreheads.  Chandler realises it's getting tense and goes to the receptionist again.]

Chandler: Excuse me, look, we've been here for over an hour, and a lot of people less sick than my friend have gone in. I mean, that guy with the toe thing? Who's he sleeping with? (She slides the gladd panel over and Chandler talks through it in a loud voice.) Oh, c'mon Dora, don't be mad... I know we both said some things we didn't mean, but that doesn't mean we still don't love each other. Y'know, I feel like I've lost her..  Ba-! 

Joey: Come on, push me. 

Ross: No.

Joey: Come on, push me. 

Ross: No! We’re gonna get in trouble. 

Joey: Don’t be a baby. Push me, Push me. 

Ross: All right. All right. I’m gonna push you, okay? How about I push you like this? Haha… Now you’re gonna be in a wheelchair the rest of your life, pally-wally-wally-wall…. I’s so very sorry.  Can I sign you?

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are all out on the balcony.]

Monica: Light still out? 

Rachel: Yeah. 

Monica: Oh. Maybe they're- napping. 

Rachel: Oh please, they're having sex. 

Monica and Phoebe: Shut up! 

Rachel: So, what do you think George is like? 

Monica: I think he's shy. 

Phoebe: Yeah? 

Monica: Yeah. I think you have to draw him out. And then- when you do- he's a preppy animal. 

Phoebe: What do you think of the guys are like?

Monica: Our guys?

Phoebe: Yeah! Our guys.

Rachel: Oh, I don’t know. I feel funny talking about that. 

Monica: Oh, come one.

Rachel: Okay. well… I think Joey’s like one of those a little kiddie ride in front of supermarket. Y’know. You just have to put the quarter in and it just goes.

Phoebe: I don’t know. I think he might surprise you. One time, he was helping me to put on my coat and he was really tender. 

Joey: Come on, baby, come on. Let’s go. Yes!

Phoebe: Chandler is hard to read. He is one of those repressed guys who you’d have to seduce. 

Monica: I think that is the part of an act. I have a feeling that Chandler is a lot more sophisticated than he seems. 

Phoebe: Y’know who is kind of sexy?

Monica: Don’t!

Phoebe: Ross!

Monica: No, guys. Please, he is my brother. 

Rachel: No, I know exactly what you mean. He can be really smooth. Can’t you just picture him in bed?

Monica: Really don’t want to. 

Rachel: Come on, Laugh. Laugh.

[Scene: The Emergency Room, Ross is still going on about his first night with Carol.]

Ross: I remember the moonlight coming into the open window- and her face had the most incredible glow. 

Chandler: Yes, the moon, the glow, the magical feeling, you did this part- Could I get some painkillers over here, please? 

Joey: He's right, enough, already. What is the big deal about today? So you slept with her for the first time, so what? You slept with her for seven years after that. 

Ross: Look, it's just a little more complicated... 

Chandler: Well, what? What? What is it? That she left you? That she likes women? That she left you for another woman that likes women? 

Ross: Little louder, okay, I think there's a man on the twelfth floor in a coma that didn't quite hear you... 

Chandler: Then what? 

Ross: My first time with Carol was... 

Joey: What? 

Ross: It was my first time. 

Joey: With Carol?  Oh. 

Chandler: So in your whole life, you've only been with one——oh. 

Joey: Whoah, boy, hockey was a big mistake! There was a whole bunch of stuff we could've done tonight! 

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are still out on the balcony.]

Monica: Okay. Okay, I got one. Do you remember that vegetarian pate that I made that you loved so much? 

Phoebe: Uh-huh. 

Monica: Well, unless goose is a vegetable...ha haaaah! 

Phoebe: Oh! Oh! Oh! Okay, fine, fine. Now I don't feel so bad about sleeping with Jason Hurley. 

Monica: What?! You slept with Jason? 

Phoebe: You'd already broken up. 

Rachel: How long? 

Phoebe: Just a couple hours. 

Monica: Oh, that's nice! 

Rachel: Okay, okay, okay, I got one! (She sits up and the cushion she was leaning against falls off of the balcony.) Anyway- The valentine Tommy Rollerson left in your locker was really from me. 

Monica: Excuse me?! 

Rachel: Hello? Like he was really gonna send you one? She was a big girl. 

Monica: Really. Well, at least 'big girls' don't pee in their pants in seventh grade! 

Rachel: I was laughing! You made me laugh! (Monica and Rachel start to squabble) 

Phoebe: There he is! There he is! 

Monica: Where? 

Phoebe: Right- where we've been looking all night! 

Rachel: He is so cute! 

Monica: Oh, George, baby, drop the towel! 

All: Yeah, drop it! Drop the towel! Please drop the——wowww. 

[Scene: The Emergency Room, Ross is absent.]

Joey: Man. Can you believe he's only had sex with one woman? 

Chandler: I think it's great. Y'know, it's sweet, it's romantic... 

Joey: Really? 

Chandler: No, you kidding? The guy's a freak.. 

Both: Hey, buddy. 

Ross: Hi.  

Receptionist: Oh, that's attractive. 

Chandler: Oh, I thought you were great in Silence of the Lambs. Oh come on, admit it! All things considered, you had fun tonight. 

Ross: Fun? Where was the fun? Tell me specifically, which part was the fun part? Where's my puck? 

Joey: Oh, ah- the kid has it. 

Ross: The kid...?  Excuse me, uh, that's, that's my puck. 

Kid: I found it. Finders keepers, losers weepers. 

Chandler: You gotta do it, man. 

Ross: Oh yeah? Well, I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever——can't do it.  Listen, uh- gimme back my puck. 

Kid: No. 

Ross: 'Yes', how about. C'mere. Gimme! 

Kid: No! No! 

Receptionist: Hey! Hey! No rough holding in my ER! 

Ross:  GIVE ME MY PUCK!! 

Ross: ...Now that was fun. 

Closing Credits

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey and the girls are playing twister.]

Ross:  Okay, Monica, Right foot red. 

Monica: Could've played Monopoly, but nooooo. 

(There's a knock on the door, Chandler opens it, and silently hands back the cushion.) 

Chandler: Thanks. (The guy nods and leaves) 

Ross: Okay, Pheebs: Right hand blue. (Phoebe has to bend over.)Good. (Joey stares at her butt appreciatively) 

Joey: Ross, switch place with me and Phoebe could be number two. 

Phoebe: What??

Ross: Nothing, It’s Twister thing. The rules are on the back of the box. 

(The phone rings and Chandler answers it.) 

Chandler: Hello? Oh, uh, Rachel, it's the Visa card people. 

Rachel: Oh, okay. Will you take my place? 

Chandler: Alright. Yes, this is Rachel. 

Rachel: Nooo! (She grabs the phone and Chandler takes her place on the mat.)  Hello?  Oh, yeah, no, I know, I-I haven't been using it much.  Oh, well, thanks, but, I'm okay, really. 

Ross: Green. To the green. 

Rachel:  I've got magic beans.  Never-never mind. 

Chandler: To the left, to the left- aww! 

Rachel:  Ohhh... I'm fine.

End